5 Free Marriage Advice That Can Break Your Marriage
There are tons of free marriage advice that comes from the internet, books, your friends, and your family. Often times when we are troubled especially in marriage, we go to people who are more experienced than us or people who will understand the situation we are in to help us with our problems.
Sorry to burst your bubble but believe it or not, those words of wisdom coming from grandma and grandpa about how to let your marriage work and last a lifetime won’t probably be as effective for you. Why? Well, because…
People are different.
Relationships are different.
Factors affecting your marriage are different.
These aren’t all of them but these are the common marriage advices people give us whenever we seek help regarding our troubled marriages. Here are a few that I could think of:
#1 Just Ignore the Problem
Well, considering that it’s a free marriage advice, you can’t question its quality.
If there’s a problem, just ignore it and everything will work itself out soon. Tough luck, dear. Sure it will be forgotten for a few days, a month at most but the underlying problem is still there; wrecking your marriage silently and slowly.
You will not notice it at first but your relationship is suffering from ignoring each other whenever there’s a problem.
It’s a sure fire way to break your marriage if that’s your plan in the first place. Instead of ignoring each other why not speak up about the problem instead?
Unless you have super powers and you can read each other’s minds, do not give up on discussion and talking! Your spouse would not understand you if just overlook each other’s problems.
#2 Don’t Go To Bed Angry
This has been always one of the free marriage advice people seem to give every time they have a chance to. This is a bad advice, believe me. Who would want to stay up until three in the morning to resolve an argument? I find it funny when people give this advice because I imagine couples yawning and fighting with senseless reasoning.
Besides, you wouldn’t be able to think straight with that sleepy head of yours. How can you think of a logical and positive solution when your mind and body are both begging for rest, instead of having to talk/ shout/ argue all night?
Rushed decisions are also a possibility since you two are so eager for rest after a long day’s work and argument. I would say, sleep angry. To hell with it!
When you wake up in the morning you might even realize that what you’ve been arguing about was stupid and resolve it in a snap.
#3 Don’t Fight In Front Of The Kids – Ever.
There’s something wrong with this free marriage advice.
Don’t yell in front of the kids. That’s for sure!
Don’t curse/ swear in front of the kids. Absolutely.
Don’t call each other names in front of the kids. Yes, definitely.
Don’t talk badly about each other in front of your kids. You betcha!
But there are times when you get mad with each other in front of the kids and you just have to let off some steam; even resolve the problem immediately. For example, you argued about something during a car ride.
You can’t just stop at the side of the road to talk to each other. It’s best to resolve it in front of the kids in a calm manner. Showing conflict resolution in a positive way is good for the kids.
You’ll not only quickly resolve the problem, you’ll teach the kids a thing or two about conflict and life as well. Hitting two birds with one stone, as they say.
#4 ‘Be Totally Honest’
This is the numero uno free marriage advice everyone loves to give, when in fact, this kind of marriage advice is something that can totally break your marriage. There’s a complete difference between being HONEST with each other and being TOTALLY HONEST with each other.
It’s quite easy to understand. Being honest to your spouse is a huge factor for any relationship, especially marriage, to survive.
Telling your spouse where you’ve been or who you’re with, or if there’s something he or she is not doing right then you have to be honest with them.
But sometimes, there are those truths that shouldn’t be shared at all. Like what, you ask? You see that’s where the saying ‘the truth hurts’ comes from. Sometimes, just for the sake of peace and harmony we need to hide little hurtful truths from our spouses.
For example, you don’t tell your spouse you just had a naughty dream about your ex last night. Or that one time bet you did with your friend that caused you to lose a few bucks.
Or when you see that your spouse tried their very best at something to make you happy but isn’t really that good you don’t tell them right in the face that it wasn’t good. You slowly break it down to her. Maybe some other time when you think they can have a good laugh at it instead, or maybe even never.
Be honest with your spouse; but learn when to be TOTALLY HONEST.
#5You Can Always Divorce
Yep. That’s a free marriage advice often given by friends…and it’s probably going to break your marriage. Definitely. Entering into wedlock thinking that you always have an escape route ready in case problems crop up in your marriage, is something that is a recipe for disaster.
In the end, what you hear from your “advisers” are just really based on their own experiences. Sure, learn from them but never fully follow them.
Assess your own marriage first to check if their free marriage advice is totally applicable because chances are, what they did to help them survive might break your marriage in the end. We have different situations and these situations require different approaches.