5 Magic Ingredients That Add Years To Your Married Life
I will be completing 17 years of successful married life with my husband in another 2 months from now. To be honest with you all, back in 1999, when I was newly married, I was totally clueless about how to make my marriage work.
I distinctly remember the discussion I had with my best friend on this topic, during which I had wished for a bottle of magic ingredients to a successful marriage. I am sure many of those who are now contemplating marriage or are newly married, will understand my position quite well.
Really folks, experience is the best teacher and here I am 17 wise years later with an awesome list of 5 magic ingredients to make your married life last longer and hopefully forever.
Magic Ingredient # 1- Camaraderie
If you are a regular reader of my blog, you’ll probably know that I have known my husband since a pretty long time. As I have already mentioned in a few of my previous posts, we met each other when we were in secondary school. We have been friends and sweethearts longer than we have been married to each other.
Looking back at the fond memories we share together, I can tell you my first and the most crucial magic ingredient for a happy and longer married life. In case you are still wondering, it is ‘friendship’ or camaraderie my dear!
It really helps to be friends with your spouse. That way you get to share a more meaningful bond with him / her and definitely adds a strong foundation to the structure called marriage. In case you have not yet set up this strong base to your marriage, you really need to do this at the earliest.
For those who do not know how to develop camaraderie with your spouse, please check back in another 2/3 days. By then I will be publishing a detailed post on how to make your spouse your best friend.
Magic Ingredient # 2- Love
Of course, you would not marry your spouse unless you loved him / her in the first place. I know that’s how most people think. But let me be a bit practical and burst your bubble (sorry).
Not everyone marries for love. I could write another 2000 words detailing a few of the other reasons why people marry, except love. Anyways, let us get back to this post first.
Yeah, like I was saying, love is the next magic ingredient after camaraderie to keep your marriage going strong and long. Even if you married for reasons other than love, it does not mean you can’t start now.
Contrary to what people say about love, it could be developed on purpose. Find reasons, pretexts and excuses to love your spouse.
Magic Ingredient # 3- Compassion
Compassion is listed at # 3 but it actually deserves the numero uno spot. Compassion is something that actually helps a lot in developing all of the other magic ingredients as well and that is why I value this extra-magical ingredient a lot in my married life.
The greatest part about compassion is that it need not be restricted to married life. It works wonders wherever you apply it and magnifies your character and enhances your value as a human being, whenever you display it genuinely.
Magic Ingredient # 4- Tolerance
Look, no one in this world is perfect. Actually, it is impossible to find a perfect human being (or creature) in this world, because The Almighty never intended to create anyone like that. You see, it never was a part of The Lord’s Master plan.
It is only when you realize, accept and understand this Universal Truth that you will learn about the next magic ingredient to add years to your married life, named ‘tolerance’. Tolerance comes when you learn to accept yourself as imperfect.
It is okay and expected to make mistakes, so give your spouse some leeway as well. The glasses through which you desire to see your spouse as perfect are downright crappy; just toss them away, for good! Tolerate shortcomings, faults and flaws in each other.
Magic Ingredient # 5- Acceptance
Acceptance is not an easy pill to swallow, but when you already have 4 of the previously mentioned magic ingredients in your married life, this last ingredient will come to you almost effortlessly. Acceptance here means accepting your spouse the way he / she is.
Most of us are focused on changing people (especially our spouses) to better match our ‘expectations’ of how they should behave or how they should interact with us etc. This kind of forceful alteration of your spouse to match your fantasy will not bring about any ‘change’ except maybe in your marital status from married to divorced.
Let go and accept the reality. Your spouse has a personality and maybe that includes a lot of oddities and quirks. Instead of trying to change those, try learning a meaningful lesson from them. Why not think of those as a challenge to your spiritual development?
My husband has certain quirks that really try my resolve to include acceptance into my 5 ingredient magic formula. During the initial few years of our marriage, I used to oppose them and tried to fight tooth and nail against them and ended up feeling anguished, depressed and distressed.
But since I ‘changed’ my way of dealing with those quirks (from conflict to acceptance) I no longer feel overwhelmed by them. To be honest, I am now actually thankful to the Lord for making me put up with them, because in the process of acceptance, I have achieved another crucial trait named ‘Patience’.
I cannot even begin to describe how much this golden trait comes in handy in your worldly existence and spiritual progress as well. More about that in another posts, hopefully!
I really hope that each one of you benefits from my tips on adding years to your married life. The best part is that most of us are already having 1-3 of these magic ingredients in our marriages. The missing ingredients only need a bit of effort and flexibility and that is a very small price to pay in exchange for a rewarding and stable married life.